Pillow Talk

(TIFFANY, a marriage counselor, speaks to MARK, a client.)

TIFFANY: I used to have a relationship like this too. My first husband chained me to the kitchen stove. Do you believe that? I thought it was normal. I wrote my dissertation on the open oven door. I got a degree in marital counseling and my own personal relationship was a sham. I would have committed suicide if the stove had been gas. I tried to stick my head in the microwave but the chain wouldn’t reach. And then I met Roger and I realized that all men weren’t like that Neanderthal Hitler I lived with. Just some of them. But you can’t be helped, Mark. This marriage must never be saved. Men like you should be put in jail for what you do to women! You disgust me! Now get out of here! Get the hell out of here before you make me vomit!

Pillow Talk was a ten-minute play I wrote for Actors Theatre of Louisville, years after Impassioned Embraces had gone to press. It’s something of a variation on “Vas Difference,” a play in the latter collection, and is included in a separate publication. I’m constantly surprised by the royalty checks I get for this little piece, and must admit it’s one of my favorite nuggets.